Once again, this is a copy of some answers from a Something Awful
thread. I thought it would be a nice addition to the "getting dumped
and taking it like a champ" guide. I won't give a path to where it is
exactly (too lazy, etc) but you will find it easily in the SA forums.
So this page is more like a collection of sensible advice from people
about ending a relationship. Compare it with the other guide, you'll
see how much it makes sense.
How to dump your significant other
Some simple rules.
- Be honest with yourself first. Don't say "It's not you, it's me"
because it's not.
- Don't lie and say "you need space" or "you need some time" or give
any hope of a future together.
- You know the reason you want to break up: you're tired of it, bored
with her, don't want to spend your free time with her, and want to
have sex with other people.
- You don't have to be mean, but you have to be honest. It's like the
band-aid analogy. Don't pull it off just a bit at a time, it hurts
for longer that way for both sides. Just rip the fucker off and
yeah, it sucks, but it gets better.
- As a sidenote, never talk to them afterwards and try to remain
"friends". It almost never works. One person always wants to get
back together and if you aren't having luck fucking new people
you're going to fall victim to the classic "fuck who's available"
- Seriously, just do it quickly, honestly, be courteous yet direct,
and don't make it a big dramatic scene if you can help it. The other
person will be upset, they'll want to know why, and that's the
challenge. "It's just not working" or something is your safe answer
because it's honest for whatever reason.
"It's not you, it's me." is a bullshit answer and anybody who's said
it knows it.
- Longing for closure in person. If you are trying to escape
confrontation this is not the answer. You need to bite the bullet
and tell them in person.
- Do find the right place to talk. Do not do it in a public place. The
situation will already be filled with emotions. You don't need to
add to that by making a scene in public.
- Do break up when it's the right time. Say the SO's grandma just
died.. stick it out a little while they get better. If it's the
Holidays, try to stick it out or break up BEFORE the major ones.
- Be as honest as possible, but also be sensitive. It's not going to
hurt to scale it back and not call them a dirty slob who kisses like
a five year old. It's not you, it's me is the worse offenders of
this. It tells the other person nothing and offers no means of
closure at all. The break up person will want to know what they did
wrong or what they could improve on. Be helpful with this and give
them as much as a description as possible without having it be mean
- Usually "We need to talk" or "I have something to tell you" is a
good indication that something is up. They should get the message on
where the conversation is going from there.
- Keep yourself from being too happy about breaking up. At least put
on a game face for it all. You don't want to look like a complete
- Don't react to their action. They may scream, cry, beg, plead and
everything else. You shouldn't react to this sort of thing. Don't
get angry back at them and let them act ridiculously if they
want. If they cry, try to be some what supportive. If they escalate
the situation then get out of there.
- Before you have the conversation HAVE A LIST OF REASONS WHY YOU ARE
BREAKING UP. Bullet point that shit. Go down the list on why it is
that you feel that the relationship is not working and you two would
be better off parting ways. This will prevent a lot of confusion on
all parts when they try to suggest they could change. List examples
of why it is you don't like what they are doing.
- Ironically, I get along really well with my exes. So it IS possible,
but you both have to know that you're never going to get back
- The best way to break up is to just tell them and be honest, chances
are, she/he has seen it coming unless you just woke up one day and
decided to end it. So just be truthful and calm...
- Never have breakup sex...ever
- Once you end it, leave the area (as in go far enough away that they
wont follow you)
Comedy option: kill yourself so you don't have to break up with her,
and you also get to scar her for life!
- Just never, ever suddenly cut communication out of the blue without
a really good reason for doing so. It hurts so bad. At least let
them know how you feel, and THEN cut ties.
I'm dealing with this right now and it's turned my rather reasonable
grounded self into an EMOTIONAL MESS.
Oh yeah, my real advice:
- Make sure you know why you're breaking up with her. If you need to
make yourself a powerpoint presentation, create a bulleted list, or
think about it while pooping, just get it done. Know why so you can
tell her why. It'll suck for her then, but at least she'll know.
- Also, remember that YOU are breaking up with her. You were unhappy
enough then and you'll be unhappy if you get back together. Don't
waffle, either. If you've been an adult and tried to talk stuff
through, then you know that she isn't going to change.